2 WEEKS TO LOSE YOUR GU-0 V, 48 HOURS TO SPIT’ A PASSPORT 6 SECONDS
TO DELAY AN ORGASM
AAARGH! Right, stop panicking, because it can be done. And with our guide to life’s “How the hell do I get out of this?” situations you’ll know exactly how
Preparation is everything. But it’s not always that simple. The designers of the Titanic spent a fair amount of time poring over drafts for their revolutionary, unsinkable ship, but look where it got them. Clearly, planning ahead doesn’t always work out. The key is training your mind to be able to cope with the unpredictable. And that’s where we come in. What follows is a watertight list of indispensable, get-out-of-jail-free solutions to everyday life’s 11th-hour problems. Keep our guide close to hand and the curse of unforeseen icebergs need never leave you in a kerfuffle again.
You’ve unexpectedly pulled in a bar, but at home your sheets are in need of a wash Regardless of the stickiness of the situation—and by this we mean your predicament, not the state of your duvet —you should always chance your arm on a night spent at the lady’s flat. According to dating expert Ben Tisdall, “Girls usually feel more comfortable in their own place, and you can leave without any hassle the next morning.” However, if hers is a no-go, and she seems worth the spend, a swift call to 118 will soon see you, er, holed up in the nearest hotel. If that’s not an option, take her back to yours anyway, says Tisdall, then try a few diverting tactics. “Put on some music and pour her a glass of wine. Explain that your brother’s been staying over and has left your room in a tip, then nip in there and change the sheets.”
You’ve been away and are desperate for your bed, but your flight home is overbooked. What do you do? Money-grabbing airlines routinely issue tickets for more passengers than can fit on the plane to cover cancellations, so these situations are irritatingly common. Happily, new laws mean anyone who is denied boarding a flight out of the EU, or a flight landing in an EU country on an EU airline, is entitled to compensation — ranging from £170 for short haul to £415 for flights over 3,000km (1,860 miles). You’ll also get a full refund and, Wan overnight stay is necessary, a hotel room, drinks, meals and phone calls paid for. So, if you’ve got an understanding boss, you can extend your holiday at the airline’s expense and use the compensation to pay for the whole thing. Cash-back!
But if you simply have to get home, ask to see the airline’s denied-boarding policy, which will show the reasons for “bumping” you. Ask for an upgrade or, if all else fails, make a scene: “I’ve cried my way onto a flight before,” says The Sunday Times Travel editor, Ed Grenby. “It might sound preposterous, but it works!”
You’ve cooked dinner for the family, but the curry is hotter than the sun Copal Kochak, head chef at Veeraswamy, Britain’s oldest Indian restaurant, suggests: “If you’re knocking up a creamy dish, simply adding more cream or yoghurt will cool it down.” A tomato-based curry fuelled to nuclear strength, however, requires a different approach. “You need to thin it out to take away that extra heat,” explains Kochalc. “Cooking off some extra tomatoes with coconut oil in a separate pan and adding them to your curry with a little water should do the trick.” It’s well known that cooking with coconut oil is just one of the many coconut oil uses worth trying it.